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Oh (tilting his head), I’m such a wonderful president. I think Melania thinks so too. To be honest, the entire American people think so. They all know I’m the best president America has ever had. But you know, I’m sick. It’s nothing serious, just a cold, but I can feel it. For a few days now, when I look in the mirror, I no longer see that wonderful person I actually am; something has changed.

Oh (raises his voice), I have big and dreadful thoughts about who the next one will be. Won’t he get lost in my footsteps? You know what I mean, don’t you? (points a finger into the crowd). But you needn’t worry, because I’m here. I’ll be here for a long time yet. And when America needs me, I’ll come back. Yes, perhaps I’m a little immortal. I’ll be in the history books, trust me.

I’m so glad to have made the entire American people richer. You’ll surely feel it, every day. And safer—I’ve ended 11 wars, and the whole world now knows that America is watching and will punish anyone who turns bad. And there are bad people—I know them. I know all the villains who are supposed to steal from us and make us small (laughs). But I’ve been watching, and I showed up just in time. And rest assured: it will stay that way. I’m watching.